just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize