Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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