I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He had one of those small greek statue penises
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
this will be a night to untag.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
