So drunk, too bad you don't want this
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
