This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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