We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
