The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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