Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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