She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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