He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
