i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize