he was CRYING into my vagina
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
