3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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