He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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