I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
