I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
