Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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