FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
