Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
