That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
