I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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