we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
