He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
