There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
