I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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