Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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