Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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