you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize