it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
