Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
