I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
40s are totally the cure
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
