oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
