i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My liver just had a heart attack.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
