i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
