he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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