I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize