I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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