Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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