I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
