hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
