in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
