her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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