The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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