i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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