Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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