picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
