If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
