I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
