she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
