I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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