Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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