Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
