I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
