I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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