I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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