ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
