forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
