The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
