omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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